Why is regret not a deadly sin?
Regret is criminal, an emotion that weighs heavily on you forever until you choose to confront your mistakes and accept the outcome. It’s that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, that nagging voice in your head, reminding you of choices made, actions taken, or opportunities missed. It’s natural to want to avoid regret at all costs and to shield ourselves from the discomfort it brings. Regret should be a deadly sin that we should repent. It’s been a while since my last blog and I am back with a sequel to an old post, with the help of ChatGPT. Because AI is better at analyzing human emotions than me.
Three and a half years ago, I wrote a blog post on envy and envying your friends. This blog is a sequel to that because I am possibly ruminating about the same issue, dealing with different emotions. I wrote that envy is a sin you will regret. Now that I’ve accepted that envy is normal and even primal, it is the regret that I have had to deal with.
The Nature of Regret
Regret often arises from decisions that didn’t pan out the way we envisioned. It could be the job we didn’t take, the relationship we walked away from, or the words left unspoken. I have compounded so many regrets from going to the wrong schools, learning the wrong language and choosing the wrong major which has impacted my future severely.
In hindsight, we see things with a clarity that eluded us in the moment, and we can’t help but wonder, “What if?” But my formative years are gone and I did not have many choices as a clueless kid. My parents did not know any better so I’ve had to make peace with it while occasionally ruminating how much happier I would have been if I had studied history and political science. I have chosen to leave the past that I barely remember behind.
Learning from Regret
You can repent for the sin of regret by not dwelling on past mistakes but by learning from them. Each regret is a lesson waiting to be acknowledged. It’s an opportunity to reflect on our values, priorities, and aspirations. By examining our regrets, we gain insight into what truly matters to us and what we want out of life, believe it or not. Regret can be a catalyst for growth.
I regret the envy I had for a childhood best friend which made me lose her in turn. I let the negativity of envy get the better of me several years ago when I could have been more mature and put a positive spin on my envy by reflecting on my emotions and handling my reactions toward my pal better. I now have the maturity to accept that the envy was pointless as were very different individuals and I could have reached my goals in a different way without feeling envious for someone who reached hers differently.
Embracing Vulnerability
Acknowledging regret requires vulnerability — the willingness to confront our shortcomings and accept our imperfections. It’s not easy to admit when we’ve fallen short or made a wrong turn, but it is through this vulnerability that we open ourselves up to growth and transformation.
In my case, I have chosen to seek forgiveness in the hopes of redemption for this deadly sin, fully aware that I may not been forgiven by my friend. Others have apologized to me before and my reaction has always been that if they are truly repentant, they should forgive themselves for their mistake and not expect anything else out of me. It is not possible for things to go back to what it was once was. Therefore, it is myself that I should forgive for my transgression with those age-old excuses of having been young, stupid, not having the maturity or emotional quotient to have seen things through better. In any case, I reached for the apology with explanations.
Moving Forward with Purpose
Instead of letting regret paralyze us with self-doubt and indecision, we can use it as a springboard for change. We can channel our regrets into fuel for positive action, making conscious choices that align with our values and aspirations. Every misstep becomes an opportunity to course-correct, to steer our lives in a direction that feels authentic and fulfilling.
With that wave of past nostalgia over the old friendship and trying to course-correct it with a genuine apology, I did what I should have long ago. I have no control over the outcome but what matters is that I was true to myself and addressed the issues of what went wrong, attributing it to our differences and that I should have worked them out with maturity and that has shed light for me, teaching me to always work things out instead of taking the coward’s way out.
Finding Redemption in Forgiveness
As I have mentioned above, embracing regret allows us to practice self-compassion and forgiveness. We are human, after all — fallible and imperfect. We will make mistakes, and we will have regrets. But by extending grace to ourselves, by forgiving our past selves for their missteps, we set ourselves free from the shackles of regret and open ourselves up to a future filled with much possibility.
So finally, regret is a sin that can be overcome by redemption. It is a companion on the journey of self-discovery. It teaches us humility, resilience, and especially, empathy to ourselves, the situation and the people. It reminds us that we are all works in progress, constantly evolving and learning from our experiences. I am cruising over my regret to embrace it as a sign of my humanity — a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is light waiting to guide us forward. I may have lost a bright spark but I can navigate around it with this light.
I am following up my ‘deadly sin’ franchise posts with other purportedly deadly sins like hope and sentimentality, in my opinion and I have to credit my companion ChatGPT for knocking out my writer’s block.